Oh Kanye.

This might be my favorite thing ever. Go ahead. Watch it a few times.

Monday + DMV = WTF

I love Mondays. I love Mondays spent at the DMV where all you accomplish is being told to come back when you have done it right. But you can't do it right, because nobody informed the SS office that DMV has new rules.

Back in the good ole days that really weren't so good because I was married to a douchebag, all you did was show up at the DMV with a marriage license. Then boom, new ID, new name. I never even bothered to change my SS card. I just ran around town with an alias of one name, while still, technically, being another person. This made things very simple when I later divorced his ass. All I had to do was show up at the DMV with a copy of my SS card, and then I was back to me. So, I thought I had it all under control when I showed up at the DMV with my marriage license and such.

Wrong. You have to change your SS first now. Except, the SS admin wants something with your new name on it before they change your SS card. Something like a license. Somebody please explain how this works. I need a license to change my SS card, but I can't get a license until I change my SS card? Seriously? Are you fucking with me? You know it is Monday, right? You know I got up, put on makeup, and got dressed nice from the waist up for this fucking picture, right?

Shit like this is why I drove around with an expired license for over a year. Cause the DMV, they like to fuck with people. It's how they get their kicks, I think.

Poles. Stuffed dead dogs. And what did you do this weekend?

When you find your kid halfway up the light pole, most parents might yell for them to get down. Me? Nope. I yell, "Don't you dare fall off before I get the camera."


Kenny would have stopped her from climbing it in the first place, but he was busy.

While Jill managed to get halfway up the light pole, we didn't really have to worry about Emmi.

The real trouble came however, when we went back inside. We discovered that while we were outside, JR, the stuffed dog, had committed suicide.

I am sure it has something to do with the smiley face I found drawn on his ass when I took him down from that coat hanger. It must have been demeaning, and he was over the abuse.

Parent/Teacher Conference should be fun.

Emmi is mainstreamed this year. No deaf ed classes. She is pulled for therapy and audio services, but spends most of the day in a mainstream class. This decision? I worried about. I was scared she would not be able to keep up. I was assured she would, in fact, be ahead of many children, regardless of her vocabulary/speech issues. She can read basic readers. She can do some basic math. Still I worried. Kindergarten? Mainstream?

The first week passed with no problems. Week Two, some work came home with Emmi that she was having trouble with. I quickly figured out she didn't know the word 'different'. Solved that. I thought we were good.

Until the end of the week.

Oh Emmi is doing just fine educationally, but there is a problem. Emmi is naughty. All the time. And I think she is driving her teacher bonkers.

The notes have progressed like this:

Note One: Emmi had trouble sitting in circle time. Have a good weekend! :)

Note Two: Emmi would not stand in line. She also talked during story time. (Note the lack of smiley face.)

Note Three: Emmi ran around the classroom, refused to sit in her seat, and would not join the class when asked. Please discuss her behavior with her.

Note Four: Emmi poked another student with a pencil. When I asked for the pencil, she ran away from me. I had to chase her and grab the pencil. Your child is a holy terror. Please send her to another school, so help me God, before I use said pencil to poke myself in the eye.

I may have added the part beginning with holy terror. The rest is all verbatim. For real y'all, my kid poked another kid with a pencil then ran, giggling (according to last year's teacher) from her teacher in circles around a desk.

Maybe. Maybe Not.

The girls are finally excited about moving. Jill pretty much hates her school now. Then they saw they playground at the new school, and they were sold! Whatever, and in any case, everyone is ready to go.

And it might not happen.

See, we just weren't planning on selling this home first. And now, we have to sell in weeks. Actually, days would be preferable. While we have had some promising showings, we have no offers. Of course, the house has only been on the market for five days. Still. We are reaching the end of our option period, so we will have to give the seller the right to accept other offers. Basically all we can do now is hope for an offer quickly on our home and no offer higher than ours on the other home.

Me, being the ultimate pessimist, does not see it happening. So now, I am sad. We found the perfect house, and it may not work out.

And anyone who tells me that maybe it isn't meant to be will be hunted down and hurt. No one wants to hear shit like that. I want to hear my fax machine ring, followed by the sound of an offer printing.

Why won't you stop?

Listen, jcrew, Abercrombie, Hollister and World Market. I get it. You are confused. I usually shop online with wild abandon. I hit up your stores like there is no tomorrow. I find cute things, and I just get them.

But. I have no J.O.B. Even the Starbucks runs have been outlawed. My head hurts from lack of caffeine, and frankly I just can't handle you jamming up my inbox with all of your buy this, get that, these are nice.

So lay off. I have no money. I can't buy your shit. Quit sending me stuff to make me feel bad.

Up, then down, then up....

Yesterday was kind of a rollercoaster day.

First our offer was accepted with no counter offer. I sort of expected this, with one exception. I only worried about the transfer fees on the country club membership. We asked for the seller to pay them, and I wasn't sure she would. However, she is! Awesome. The same exact floorplan sold for a significant amount more ten days ago in the same neighborhood. Why? This one needs to be painted, have the carpet (which is new) restretched, and have the wood floors polished. All things that make it not show well. All things that are simple, simple, simple and Kenny and I know to look past. The other house looked amazing. So we are getting a great deal. And our offer was accepted as is.

And then, I got laid off. After years with the same company, with no warning, I was laid off. I answered the phone while I sat in a doctor's appointment with Emmi. I mentioned I was in a doctor's appointment. And then, with Emmi's doctor listening in, I was laid off after being reassured that my job was not in jeopardy.

Kenny and I spent the rest of the day determining whether or not we could move. Should downsize? Should we stay here? Should we just move anyway? And then after much debate, we decided that since Kenny actually makes the bulk of our income, we will be okay. There will need to be some changes. But Kenny doesn't want one of those changes to be where the girls grow up. Nothing that drastic needs to happen. (Although, panicking me still does not believe) The changes need to be how often we go on vacation, and whether or not our kids get flat screen tvs and cell phones for Christmas. Perhaps their clothes will be more from Target than crewcuts. Hey, I love both. But I didn't make enough money to significantly impact our living situation.

So last night we made our decision. And I better get packing! Allison, here we come!