The news teaches me things. Things like how to make sexy times sexier.

Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Traditionally, Kenny and I don't really celebrate such. We use it as an excuse to order take-out. Sometimes, there are a few gifts exchanged if we happen to need something at the time. Last year, I made cute little tags that spelled out "I Love you!" and attached each one to a beer. Yeah. Beer. Kenny got beer last year. With pink ribbons affixed. And I made him drink them with the pink ribbons still attached. But mostly, we ignore the day. Romantic, right?

Today, Kenny and I drug our work out to the kitchen table, so we could spread out. We had a system. Fold invoice, stuff invoice, lick envelope, pass. Stamp envelope, add return label, move to outbox. Fold, stuff, lick. We spend so much sexy times together. Who needs Valentine's Day? While we worked, the news droned on in the background.

News worthy topics? How to bring the sexy back into your marriage in time for Valentine's Day.

Let me summarize:

1. Get away from the kids and neighbors. Yes. Neighbors. Take your wife to a hotel for a night. A hotel such as Motel 6. I completely see the validity of this one. Our neighbors are constantly keeping us from doing the sexy times with her looking in our window all the damn time. Plus, nothin' says hourly lovin' like Motel 6.

2. Kiss in the elevator. I missed the part about whether or not this should be done in the elevator at the Motel 6. Last Motel 6 I saw didn't even have an elevator. Just stairs. I give you permission to do it in the stairwell.

3. Dress like sexiness. I am guess because you are going to Motel 6 to make out in the stairwell that they meant dress like a hooker.

And to think all I asked for was chinese take out from Bing's and all Kenny is getting is a golf cart which is really a present to me. With pink ribbons.