"Am I going to have to pop out an other deaf baby just to see you again?"
A conversation with Kenny about the dog:
"Macy you are a puss!"
"KENNY, what the fuck? Don't say puss in front of the kids."
To Jill when she was misbehaving:
"If you don't stop, I am going to spank your butt."
"No you won't."
"Okay, fine. If you don't stop, I am going to lick your face."
To the kids when Kenny let them lick the bowl I made brownies (that I wasn't sharing) in:
"What is this?"
"Chocolate sauce. Just lick it and be happy."
"But what did you make?"
"Chocolate sauce for you to lick."
"It looks like brownies, Mom."
"To me it looks like runny poo. Or mud."
Talking to Kenny about Jill's homework:
"Is she actually reading the exact words on the page, Kenny."
"No. She is close. She understands the story."
"That is not the point. She is reading for fluency."
"Who cares, Tricia? She is a good reader."
"She has to."
"Why? I never do."
"Riiiight. Which one of us graduated with honors, Kenny?"
"Good point, Tricia. But, um, which one of us makes twice as much money as the other?"
A conversation with a crying, screaming child of mine:
"You never let me do anything I want to do!"
"Play webkinz, write on the dry-erase board, live in the attic."
"I never said you couldn't live in the attic."