Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Lessons in History: And then.

Before Tim, Kris and I did a lot of back and forth. I left him when Jill was two months old. I let him come back for a few weeks when she was about six months old. Then again when she was almost one. But I had to finally break away. I was always more content when he was gone. I missed him, but life was easier without him. It was hard to make a clean break.

Tim was a distraction. He made the break final. He was everything Kris wasn't. At first that seemed good. When in fact, he was much more lethal then Kris. Kris was docile. Kris was kind. Tim was mean and controlling. I didn't know that at first.

At first I saw a man who had a good job. He was in control of his life. He did things in a certain order. He didn't drink. He didn't care that I was going through a divorce. We had been friends for several months before we started dating. He already knew Jill, and always treated her very kindly. I thought it was perfect. And at first it was pretty good. We were engaged quickly, but I actually didn't want to get married. I never really admitted it to Tim, but I wasn't sure I ever wanted to get married again. He seemed okay with us going along being engaged. Over a year into our relationship, I was pregnant with Emmi. We picked out a cute little house in a nice neighborhood. I quit my job to stay home with Jill while Tim worked. I thought I would finally have that perfect family.

Then, once I had quit my job, things got bad quick. Again, there had been warning signs that I had ignored. Things I didn't want to see. But I let it slide. I let the situation build. The details are not important, but he was both verbally and physically abusive to me. Jill witnessed more than any child should ever see. I don't know how I lasted almost two years in that situation. But I did. I never thought I would be one of those girls who would stay in a relationship like that, but I was still so shell-shocked over the divorce from Kris that I wasn't thinking straight. And I was pregnant. I didn't know how I was going to handle two kids on my own. And mostly, I didn't want to be that girl that had two kids with two different dads, AND wasn't even with either one of them. So I stayed. To save myself some embarrassment. I stayed until it got too bad.

When I did finally leave, life was so much better. Calm. Jill had just turned three, Emmi was a few months old. I moved to Dallas to be near my family. I got a good job. Tim mostly stayed out of our way. There have been a few incidents, but it has all ended well. I was back in control. For a brief moment.

We knew that something was quite right with Emmi from birth. We just didn't know how bad it would get. I would find out soon.


Allie Bear said...

I can't wait to see where this goes.

David said...

Trish, your an amazing woman. You can inspire so many others. Very open and honest post that would help so many others in that situation just see how well you did.
And oh allie, I pissed you off eh? Well I guess we are so not speaking then.

zakary said...

Some men can totally suck. Completely. At life.

Like the new layout, btw. I need to do something with mine.

Tiffany said...


Erin and Liann said...



Leah J. said...

Tricia-way to do the right thing for you and those beautiful girls!

Claudia said...

Oh shit. Been there. Done that. Luckily, in my case, no kids during 'that relationship' - - but it certainly left it's scars, physical and mental. I'm glad you pulled out and that you're finding courage and power again. This is a wonderful blog, and it thrills me to find someone else willing to peel back all the layers and expose themselves. :)

(( hugs ))

Allie Bear said...

Totally unrelated but what the hell do your pants say? It's driving me nuts.