Friday, February 19, 2010

Tiger Woods and Sparkle Men

I don't get it. Why the hell is Tiger Woods apologizing breaking news? Fine, fine. You owe your wife an apology. You possibly owe your kids and your family one, too. But perhaps, you don't need to do that via my television. I do, however, really enjoy laughing at all of the commentary such as, "Women will never be able to forgive him." Why? What did he do to you? I hate to break this to you, maybe I should hold a press conference, lots of people cheat. Everyday. Sometimes it ends with your wife chasing you down with a golf club. I still wonder how that happened. Did she plan that lovely bit of irony? Or does he love golf that much that there are clubs just everywhere at her disposal just waiting for a moment like such? Other times it ends up with hubs shooting boyfriend in my driveway. No, No. Not my hubs. That was the crazies before us who now live around the corner. In any case, get off my TV. I have other things to watch.

Like men in sparkles.



Men in sparkles that greatly disturb my daughter. Men in sparkles and feathers and tights that Jill claims is "just not right." Even after I told her, some men love sparkles. And feathers. And even tights. She sadly shook her head and said, "They needed a daddy to show them how to not wear sparkles."

Proving after all that gayness really does stem from Daddy issues.

PS I don't believe that at all. I think it is a genetic thing. Or hormonal. Or whatnot. Don't send me hate mail.

8 comments:

Allison Talamantez said...

No hate mail,but I am laughing hysterically right now. Oh, and by the way I am in your neighborhood w my kiddo for the next week. Let's connect!

Meagan@Megs7827 said...

You go girl! Do people still say that? So over Tiger's sexcapades! Your daughter is funny!

meredith said...

this skater killllls me! haha. he is so freakin' hardcore and intense. i just tried practicing his facial expressions in the mirror, and i couldn't match his.

I am Trish Marie said...

Allison, YIPPEE! I am so excited you are here! When are you free? Do you have some free time this weekend?


You know I now have to see if I can make Sparkle Skater Man face. There may be pictures.

Allie said...

Oh you are so getting hate mail, I love sparkles and feathers and am so offended by your comments.

Allison Talamantez said...

I just got back in the neighborhood from a conf thingy....call and we shall make it happen...can't wait to see the face!

ZDub said...

Did you see skater that had the goddamn snakes sewn to his costume? I told Jeff I was going to sew them to his UPS uniform.

I am Trish Marie said...

Now if only Jeff could pull off that face AND the snakes....