Monday, October 15, 2007

Wut I lurned at the licker stor.

Kenny wanted a cigar. Seeing as how there are probably not a whole lot of high class cigar shops in Bastrop, the small town my parents moved to a few months ago, we found a liqour store. Now I should have known when there are three pickups in the parking lot, none of them from this century or with all matching parts, that this was going to be interesting.

This is what transpires.

Four college students who were on the way home from some event also happened to stop in the same liqour store. Being that they are broke college students, they spend twenty minutes at the counter deciding who can pay for what. Boy #1, pays for the Yager. No ID checked. Girls #1 and #2 split cigarettes and beer. Again, no ID. Boy #2 puts the Red Bull on the counter.

LouAnn, who obviously has been smoking since she was two and only has three teeth is currently dipping. Between spits she demands, "Can I see your ID?"

"Ma'am, Red Bull doesn't have any alcohol in it."

"Son, you is in a licker stor. You got to be 21. ID." She holds out her hand.

"But ma'am. There is NO ALCOHOL in Red Bull."

"ID," she snarls.

Reluctantly, the boy hands over his ID. He is three days shy of 21. LouAnn snatches the Red Bull, and stashes it under the counter. All four college students make a run for it. Apparently, none are 21. Oh well. They already got their Yager and beer. Way to go LouAnn. Way to get that Red Bull from them!

Kenny puts his cigar on the counter. "Do you have any cigar cutters? I didn't bring mine with me." LouAnn wanders off to find a cutter.

In walks Darrell. He yells across the store to the guy behind the counter. "Hey ya Clint."

"Hey Darrell."

"Hey Clint, I hurd you gots married last week. You stuck for good now."

"Yup," says Clint with a slow nod of his head.

"So Clint, you hear my old girl is knocked up again. Yep, baby number two." Darrell holds up three fingers.

"Shooot that's nuthing. You shuld see how big my girl gettin'? Man she gonna pop any day now. Din't know if she was gonna make it down the isle she so big."

"Well hell. Whatch you guys doin' tonight?" Darrell says as he drags his two 18 packs of Natty Light to the counter. "Why dunt y'all stop by and have sum beers when you get off work?"

"Hell man. That sounds like fun. Let me see if ole girl feels like gettin' out."

Excellent the two pregant girls are gonna go get drunk on Natty Light and pop out little Darrell in Clint clones anyday now.

Finally, LouAnns returns without finding a cigar cutter.

"We ain't got no cutters left."

Oh hell. Well, shooot.


Tiffany said...

I lost it at "Natty Light!" Oh.My.Goodness..that is some nasty cheap stuff!

Sheri said...

LMAO!!! Now if we can only get Kenny stuck for good. HAHAHA!