I hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving, complete with stuffing themselves full of turkey, dressing, and pumpkin pie.

It's no secret that I think Jill's dad is a moron. But I say that in a loving way. No seriously. He needs to grow up, and one day he will. But that is the extent of my problems with him. He is a nice, caring person. He means no harm. He just needs to get his act together, and I wasn't going to stick around while he figured that out. I divorced him six years ago. Since then we have remained friends. Though I get irritated at his childish behavior, I am glad that we have maintained a very good relationship. Jill will never worry about which parent to invite to what holiday gathering. Not only can Kris and I get along, but Kris and Kenny get along just fine too. Perhaps that is because they know each other independent of me, as we all went to school together. But for whatever reason, it was something I was always happy with even despite hating Kris's childish behavior.

I have long since been scared that Kris's antics would get him killed. I have waited for the phone calls. I have worried about how I would break the news to Jill.

Kris's latest craptastic move was to go to Thailand for two months. Over Thanksgiving (his holiday). He saved for months for the trip. So what was a little political unrest when you had a trip to take? His flight out was scheduled for late today with him arriving in the US tomorrow morning. He called his family today to let them know he has no way out of the country. A country that is heading into civil war.

The thing is when he left for this trip, we all (his family, my family, his other ex....Jill's sister's mom...and I) had a sinking feeling about it. I told Kenny the day he left that he wasn't coming back. I thought it would be because of his own behavior, but now I worried it might be because of someone else's.

Little head, big head.

Remember when I was all worried about my driver's license photo, and the lady taking my picture laughed at me? Well, my license finally came in. I am all official now. My picture isn't half bad. My last name is correct. I actually live at my house. And? When comparing my IDs over the past ten years, I think my head grew. Or they just zoomed in. I prefer to assume my head grew, cause my head has always been too little for my body.And, you know, I obviously got a much needed tan.

I may lack in the funny, or you know any blogging at all, for awhile. Why you ask? Well, because of this. There is a lot going with Little E right now, and I am kind of out energy. I'll be around sporadically. Like when I drink extra coffee. Otherwise, I'll be spending three days a week a Texas Children's (You know, just a hour drive each direction, with a minimum of three hours in each appointment), which is my current schedule for now until December 23rd.

Little People

There are two things that terrify Kenny.
1. Pregnant women
2. Dwarfs

Now. Don't go yelling at me. Pregnancy is beautiful and all. And I get that dwarfism (or whatever the most PC term is) is a genetic condition much like my own child's condition. So I am not making fun of either pregnant woman or little people. I am making fun of Kenny.

Both creep him out for unknown reasons.

Emmi was next for the CT scan, and they left us stranded in the hall as they finished up the kiddo before her. Every door leading off the hall warned of danger and magnetic fields. From time to time a door would crack open and we could glimpse the odd assortment of medical personnel behind the door. Nurses and techs walked by, wheeling patients past. Emmi ohhhed and ahhhed at the tiny babies that rolled past, completely unaware of exactly what it meant to see a baby that tiny being wheeled to an MRI machine. It was a good people watching spot.

The door immediately to our right opened. A nurse, no taller than Jill, but perfectly proportioned emerged. I stole a quick glance at Kenny, smirking. Without a word he knew that I was laughing at him.

In my lap, I felt Emmi straighten up. On her face was a look of wonder and amazement. Before we could stop her, she shouted, "OH LOOK, SHE LITTLE!"

And Kenny and I tried our best to make ourselves as little as possible, because there was no way the nurse had not heard.

Fish Poo

I always seem to cook more when the weather is cooler. Maybe because I don't particularly like to eat when I am hot. Who knows? It never fails, as the weather changes I suddenly am cooking again. Soups. Enchiladas. I even might break down and attempt my mom's chicken and dumplings. Although, I keep telling Kenny it won't taste anything like hers with instructions like "until it feels like a baby's bottom." Until then, I have tried out Amy's taco soup and my favorite zucchini soup.

As I washed up the dishes from last night's dinner, Kenny wandered into the kitchen. He tapped the side of the fish tank, making a face at the dirty water.

"Hey is the colander in the dishwasher? You used it tonight, right?" He asked me while feeding the fish.

I looked from him to the fish. Confused.

"Why do you need the colander?"

He looks at me blankly. Like it should be obvious. Then I understand. Rocks. In the fishtank. Colander. He had been using the colander that I drain our food in to clean the rocks in the fishtank. In my mind I flashback to the last time the fishtank was cleaned, and silently add up the number of meals I have since used the colander for. Ugh.

I look at him coolly. "I do not want to know if you have ever used the colander to clean fish poo off of the rocks in the fish tanks before, because I might vomit. But let's just get one thing clear. NEVER. DO. THAT. AGAIN."

Today, I bought a brand new colander.

Spandex is classy.

Jill has sensory issues. Seams in clothing are a nightmare. The latest problem is her gymnastics leotard. She will wear only one. The plain Jane one that came free with our yearly registration fee. The one I can not purchase a duplicate of. The one I can find no others like. My solution? To make her some leotards. I can sew. It is a simple pattern. It should be no problem. Except, trying finding spandex or lycra in JoAnn's Fabrics.

At the first shop, I approached a kind looking, grandmotherly woman. The look on her face when I asked if they carried spandex or lycra was a mix between embarrassment and horror. It was enough to evoke a quick explanation of the leotard problem. By the third shop with no luck, I was tired of the long-winded story of seams and materials and fits.

"Do you have any lyrca or spandex?"

Again I was met with a look of shock, followed by disgust.

I smiled. I tilted my head to the side. I giggled.

"I need it for work," I said with a wink.

I'm all official and such.

My license expired. Last year. I really meant to go get it renewed. Many helpful people told me how I could renew online, and I could even change my address, too. Except. Well. I needed to changed my last name. Because, apparently, getting divorced SIX years ago didn't leave me with enough time to get that name change done. Today, I finally made it to the DMV.

I called Tiffany first to consult her over my choice of shirts and hairstyles. Afterall, this picture will be with me everyday until March of 2014....okay let's be real, more like 2016. I tried my hair up. I tried my hair down. I finally settled on some messy waves.

I waited my turn, and then "Ma'am stand on the yellow line." I smiled. The light flashed, blinding me.

"I hope you got a good picture of me," I joked. Sort of.

The woman behind the counter laughed. "GIRL! The lady that just walked out of here had eyes lookin' two different ways! Don't be talkin' to me about yo' picture!"

So. Well. In comparison....

You said not to bark.

Generally, it is the oldest child that assaults us with continuous noise pollution. Last night, Little Emmi decided it was her turn.

She sang.

She screamed.

She talked about who knows what.

Then she morphed into a puppy. A mean puppy. A puppy who chased Kenny around the house growling and barking at him. After twenty minutes, he snapped.

"EMMI! Enough! No more puppy. Do not bark again. Not one more time. I can't take it!"

She sat back. She smiled sweetly.

"MEEEOOOOW!"