Wednesday, January 6, 2010

2010. Fuck You.

How has this new year been so far? Hmmm... let's see.

I am so sick I can barely stand up. Some sort of combo sinus infection and bronchial infection. You would not believe the pain it causes to sneeze or cough, which happens roughly every three seconds. I started off with that cough syrup so nice they make songs about it (Mom, that's the codeine one, since you are really confused right now..... She doesn't get down with Purple Stuff.). When even that wasn't helping me sleep, they kicked it up a notch to some crazy medicine that taste like shit and gives me insane dreams. Honestly, I am not sure it it works or just makes me so damn loopy I don't care that I can't breathe.

On the way to the doctor the other day, I stopped by the mail box praying my new insurance cards were in. They were not. It was fun paying out of pocket for the doctor and two medications WHEN YOU HAVE INSURANCE. What I did find in the mail was a lovely packet from the IRS.

I was audited. I kind of blew it off at first thinking it was some dumbass from the IRS's mistake, because clearly I had not under reported my income. Obviously, they had transposed my 2007 income with my 2008 income. I certainly did not owe them money. Except I did, because it was my accountant who transposed my 2007 and 2008 incomes. Which is awesome because I more than doubled my 2007 income in 2008. There are a whole lot of zeros behind the number I now owe the IRS after the back due taxes, penalties, and interest.

During one of my phone calls with my accountant, also known as my ex-mother-in-law, I learned that my ex-husband's phone was not working because he shut if off since he is leaving the country for over six months. Awesome, since he had told no one, including his daughter of this plan. Best part? He is to go marry some girl he met while travelling, who I highly suspect is a prostitute, and bring her back to the US. I think their first meeting when something like this. "Me love you long time." "Let's get married. I'll take you to the US." When I finally did get in touch with him, I demanded he tell his daughter about his plans. He only bothered to tell her the part where he was leaving the country. I guess he just plans on showing up on the doorstep, "Hey Jill. Meet your new mommy. She speaks no English. Who is hungry for noodles?" Do they even eat noodles in Thailand? The good news is, I know for a fact that half blond, half Thai babies are pretty damn cute, right Zak? So there's that.

To recap:
I am sick.

I owe the IRS thousands. That is thousands. Emphasis on the plural.

My ex-husband is marrying a hooker. Which is either a step up or step down from a stripper, depending on how you look at it.


I am going back to the couch now. Let me know when 2010 is fucking over.

8 comments:

Aimee' said...

damn dude...keep drinking the medicine and maybe 2010 will go by real quick!

Kristina said...

Talking about kicking you while you're down! Can you get some of the tax amnesty that is going around? You only pay the back taxes without any penalties? My state called me to offer it to me since there was a mistake on last year's income taxes and I owed money and they wanted to return my payment for the penalties and interest. You can imagine how I grilled the person on the phone - are you serious? you want to give me back money? what's the catch - you want my SS# or something? But, it was on the up and up and hopefully you can find out you qualify. Some good should come from the taxpayer relief act since the darn business we gave billions of dollars to have decided to take great bonuses and not pay us back!

Good luck and hope you have a speedy recovery!

ZDub said...

DUDE.

You are having the shittiest year EVER. I'm really sorry.

And yes, the eat the shit out of some noodles in Thailand.

P.S. My MIL met my FIL in Thailand while he was over fighting in the Vietnam war. When the war was over, he brought her home and married her. She didn't speak a word of English.

No comment on whether or not she was a hooker. I don't know what went down, but I do know that Thai women love them some American men.

Also, they were married for 25 years and she tried to stab my FIL numerous times for cheating on her.

So there's that.

Get better. XO-Z

I am Trish Marie said...

Zakary, I am not sure if that makes me feel better or worse!

Suffering said...

Sorry to hear about your misfortunes. Chin up because it's a beginning of a new year.

They do eat noodles in Thailand.

Suffering said...

Sorry to hear about the beginning of a bad new year. Chin up for the rest of the year.

They do eat noodles in Thailand.

Suffering said...

Sorry to hear about your misfortunes. Chin up because it's a beginning of a new year.

They do eat noodles in Thailand.

Suffering said...

Sorry to hear about your misfortunes. Chin up because it's a beginning of a new year.

They do eat noodles in Thailand.