"Dude. Kenny. That guy totally has a sticker that says 'Heavily Armed. Easily Pissed.' Oh yeah. That is the guy I want to let in my house to work on my shit. Maybe I could tell him I don't like the way he tiles, and then he could get pissed....wait a second. LOOK! His other bumper sticker says "Dare to resist drugs and violence.' What?! Dare to resist violence and heavily armed?!"
I knew I needed a picture. Out came the blackberry. Click. Click. Click. Roll. Roll.
Fuck! The stupid roller ball was stuck, and the camera would not zoom. "Kenny, I need that picture for my blog," I cried in despair. But it was too late. He had turned, and the damn roller ball was still stuck. No zoom. No picture. Fail.
But then, wouldn't you know it. Something better, even more amazing, came along. A better picture opportunity! We pulled along side a police officer shaving his face while driving in a school zone. You can't talk on your phone in a school zone, but shaving your face is cool? This. This would totally make up for the missed armed and pissed shot.
Out came the camera. Click. Tap. Click. Phone lock stuck. Motherfuckingstupidfucker. Why!
Further into despair I sunk. "That picture would have made up for it."
Pouting the rest of the drive, I sat looking out the window. But then? There is a God, and he is good. Because right there. Right next to me. Was a man pushing a dog in a swing. Dog. In. A. Swing. I am going to get my picture. I am. Phone out, unlocked, zoom working. Hell yes. My thumb hovered over the shutter button, pausing long enough for puppy pusher to notice me. Faster than I click the button, he takes the dog from the swing.
I was heartbroken. I needed those pictures. For my blog. For you.
But all was not lost. I had a plan. An idea. It was genius. "I can draw the pictures, Kenny!" He looked at me like I was stupid. "Tricia, you need to get a job. You have too much time on your hands."
I could have been insulted. Instead? I smirked. "You totally know that is going on my blog. With a picture."