Friday, June 20, 2008

He is psychic. It's a gift.

One time Emmi couldn't be picked up because her dad's brother, I guess that would be her uncle, was in a car accident. Apparently it was bad, because later that day "he was going to go into a coma," according to Emmi's dad. You know, he needed to be available to his mom and family for the moment when he brother went into said coma. I never did inquire about how that "going into a coma" went, but later that day his brother was posting on myspace. So I am guessing, he didn't decide to go into a coma afterall.

Also, his grandpa died, like, four times. And? Once while I was in the hospital with Emmi, my mom by my side (since my parents had even come into town to be with Emmi), her dad called to tell me he couldn't be there cause that same grandpa was in the hospital. I didn't even try to explain that his DAUGHTER was in the hospital at that very moment, a fact he was very much aware of. Cause, let's face it, I didn't really feel like dealing with him being there anyway. It's not that he is rude or anything, I just get irrational irritated with his mundane questions. Questions he should know the answers to if he bothered to pay attention or show up for things, like, surgeries. Anyway, his grandpa was dying AGAIN. Which must have been really hard on his grandpa. Having to die so many times.

So when my phone rang yesterday, I wasn't entirely surprised to hear that Emmi's dad had hurt his shoulder. You know the same exact shoulder that he called to tell me last week he hurt in the same exact way. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he was still referring to last week's injury. Which didn't seem so injured when I refused to give in and let him skip his visitation.

"When did you fall, and break your shoulder?"


I pause. Maybe he meant last Tuesday. Although, last week, he told me it happened on Friday, and had gone straight to the doctor. "So to clarify, you fell off of the trailer, breaking your shoulder THIS Tuesday, as in two days ago."

"That's right." He launches into the whole story again about kicking blocks and losing his balance. I let him go for awhile. I am grinning. Now I am outright laughing. People are looking at me, I am laughing so hard.

"Should I stop you now, or keep letting you look like a dumbass?" He pauses when I say this. "Cause you called me on FRIDAY, four days before Tuesday, and told me this whole story already."

Silence. He is trying to figure a way out of this. I can almost hear him thinking.

But, there is no use trying to explain. I already have it figured out. He must be psychic. It is a gift. And really, I should stop being so mean to him.


J said...

You have so much more tact than I do. I would have been yelling for him to just sign over his rights. What a douchewad.

Ashley said...

He is a tool. Straight up JACKASS!!!

I swear if I was to see him right now I'd literally go up to him and kick him in the ass.

Poor Emmi.

zakary said...

Zoe's dad and Emmi's dad must be related. I go through this all the time. Like last week when he made me come pick her up at 10:30 pm so he could take his real estate exam online. He called me on Tuesday this week to tell me why he couldn't pick her up, which was he had to take his real estate exam.

I stopped asking questions a long time ago. He's such a toolshed, it doensn't even matter.

Anonymous said...

What a loser! You should just have him sign over his rights. That type of shit seriously pisses me off.

David said...

Liars need good memories

Allie Bear said...

Why is it that liars and idiots go hand in hand?

Mint Julep said...

how cool is it that you married a psychic.

Erin and Liann said...

I am absolutely in love with Mintys answer!! That is awesome!! ;)

But yeah, I might quite possibly take him out behind that toolshed he belongs in and beat him with a blunt object... It's not necessarily the most practical aproach, but you would enjoy it!!