Friday, March 7, 2008

Look. I have. Wait. What was I talking about?

As mentioned in my 100 Random Things About Me post, I have been plagued with migraines for years. They started when I was five. I tried preventative medicines many years ago, but none of them worked. Well, to be exact, I ended up barfing on Nathan Varnal's shoes as I passed out smacking my head on a desk on the way down. Trust me, not pretty. Twenty years later, he still brings it up. So until recently, I just pop a pill, a very powerful pill, when I feel one coming on. However, my doctors decided it would be great fun to experiment with my medications again after the number of migraines increased to several a week recently. I tried to no avail to explain to my doctors that it was not the medication to blame, it was my children. But apparently this is not a good reason to give your kids up for adoption. So I left the doctor's office with a month long supply of preventative medication.

Two weeks later, I still had not taken a single one. In the meantime, I had four migraines. Normally, I take one treatment pill, and it goes away. I was on pill six. I finally gave in, and took the preventative treatment.

Within in twenty minutes food seemed very unappealing. No biggie. Loss of appetite is a side effect.

Thirty minutes later, I find it very exciting that my hands are attached to my arms. Really! Hands! What neat inventions! Everyone should get some of those...... Wait? What was I talking about?

Oh well. I shrug. I look up. Kenny is staring at me. "What are you doing?"

I am holding my hands in front of my face. "Hey look what I can make these things do!" I proceed to show him all the things hands do. He does not seem amazed the way I am. Huh? What does he know?!

He goes into the kitchen and comes back out with the pamphlet for the medication. He reads out loud.

"Parasthesia or the numbness or the arms or legs. Loss of memory. Lack of concentration. Confusion. Difficulty finding the right words. Weight loss. Inability to taste carbonated beverages......"

He goes on and on.

"....all lasting for several weeks. You mean you are going to act like this FOR WEEKS!"

"Act like what?" I don't get it. But man. That carbonated beverage think makes a lot of sense. My Dr. Pepper tasted like Dr. Poo earlier.

He is still staring at me. "Can I help you?" I say very seriously.

He laughs at me. "Do you want to go lay down?"

"I would." I lean closely to him, cupping my hand over my mouth, mock whispering, "but these things on the end of my legs are all tingly and they don't want to move me to the bed."


Mint Julep said...

Wow, girl, you are fucked up. Sounds like they gave you a hit of acid.

J said...

Hey Trish? I need a big favor. I think I have a migrane coming on, and I could really use some preventative medicine for it. Let me hop in my car and come down there so we can take some together and giggle at our toes for a few weeks. Sounds like fun, no?

I am Trish Marie said...

I would tell you it is like being high, but *looking very angelic* I have no idea what that is like.

Sheri said...

Crack is whack...just say no!

Hannah said...

this comment is super delayed because I just started reading your blog (and kept hitting "older posts" because a)you're hilarious and b)it was a good excuse to avoid doing work). anyways, i have horrible migraines as well and was once put on this exact medicine. i lasted a couple of weeks before I eventually couldn't take it anymore, and i was taking 1/4 of the dosage my doctor prescribed! that shit is ridiculous.