Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Oh Lordy.

Let me work backwards here. I'll start at the end of the story.

There is a chunk missing out of my bangs. The bangs I was growing out that weren't supposed to be cut. The very ones that I said, "just angle them a bit, so that I push them to the side." The ones that I asked to be textured, so they weren't so heavy. No once did I say, "please cut a big uneven chunk out of my freakin' bangs!"

I love my hair dresser, but he seemed off today. He dropped the scissors a few times. Then he dropped the comb. When he told me he found out last night that his father, who he believed to be dead for the past twenty-three years, was alive, I should have realized he was a little too emotional to cut my hair. But damn it. I was a little too emotional to not get my hair cut this week. We were a bad combination. I ended up with a chunk of hair missing from my bangs.

And really, it was the perfect ending to the past twenty four hours. I now look as frazzled as I feel.

Right before my hair appointment, I was running late. Really late. Breathing hard from sprinting kind of running late. I didn't intend to stay at the school for so long. But I started talking to Emmi's teacher, and next thing I know, twenty minutes had passed. I really just meant to explain why she missed the bus. How she had been dressed and ready to go thirty minutes before the bus. Then, as the bus was pulling up, she started coughing. I didn't even have to look at her. I could tell by the sound of the cough what was coming. This happens often. With Emmi having such low tone, she can't clear her throat. So, she throws up. As the bus squealed to a stop, Emmi had thrown up on her shoes. I didn't know which direction to go first. Should I tell the bus driver to go on? Should I help Emmi and keep the driver waiting? Either way, I was going to have to drive her to school. And I wasn't even dressed yet.

And I still probably smelled like pee from earlier this morning. It was almost funny, Emmi's accident. I think she was sleep walking. I normally wake her up in the mornings. Our routine involves me gently rubbing her face, Emmi squeezing her eyes shut as tight as she can, all while tugging the covers over her head, yelling "MO WAY!" She hardly ever gets up on her own. I was surprised the see her standing at the bottom of the stairs the morning. Even more surprised to discover she had taken off her pj pants and the pullup she sleeps in. And outright shocked to see her pee on the floor. She didn't even flinch when it happened. She had to be half asleep. None the less, I got to clean pee off the floor at seven this morning. Like I said. It was almost funny. Almost. If I wasn't so exhausted and finding absolutely nothing funny.

I didn't sleep well last night. I always have vivid dreams. In last night's dream, I remember dreaming that we were sleeping. We heard a chair being pushed across the floor in the living room. In my dream, I woke Kenny to go check on it. In my dream, I was sure the dog was getting into something. So, Kenny walked out into the hallway, just beyond where I can see him from the bed. I heard him say, "Well, we got what we wanted." I knew by the tone of his voice that someone was in the house, and I tried quickly to decide if I should go for the window or run into the bathroom to hide, potentially trapping myself. I woke up before I made my decision. I couldn't fall back asleep, until I figured out what I would do in real life. I was suddenly scared that we slept with both of our phones across the house from us. As I stared at the ceiling trying to get back to sleep, I kept remembering things from Emmi's appointment yesterday.

None of it upset me yesterday. I didn't bother me until last night. The appointment actually went well. Emmi's kidney function tests all fell within normal ranges, even if they teetered on the edges. Her doctor agreed with me that Emmi should not have to go through testing that is not one hundred percent necessary (they wanted a test called a VCUG which requires catheterizing without sedation....OUCH!). At this point, we can watch for warning signs that the kidney is failing. She gave me a list of things to watch for, things to do, things not to do. Most of it we already follow. We discussed how this deformity is not that uncommon, but the severity that Emmi has it is. We talked about how more than likely the "bad" portion of the kidney will need to be removed or will eventually damage the "good" part of the kidney. All of this I already knew. We scheduled more routine tests and did another round of blood work. Emmi has to have regular renal ultrasounds to ensure that her kidneys are not failing or failing to grow or doing anything else weird. She has to have blood work done routinely to monitor her kidney function. The one thing that bothered me though was a nonchalant, off-hand comment the doctor made. She said she was being so pro-active because she found it had to believe that her kidney could be that malformed without there being other issues that pop in the future. She glazed over it. Moved on quickly. I didn't even really focus on it then. It was hours later that is dawned on me. There will be more. The best of the best thinks this will get worst.

And I started to panic. So really, than bangs are quite fitting. I am thinking about mismatching my shoes and turning my shirt inside out to really complete the look.


Gin said...

It sounds like you've been having a hectic few days. Sorry things have been crazy and weird for you...at least the weather for the next few days will be nice, so you won't have to include "rainsoaked" to "stressed" and "weird-banged". :)

Allie Bear said...

I'm so sorry that Emmi has so many issues with her health. You handle it so well and you're so strong about it, she's lucky to have such a great mom even if you do have crazy bangs.

I am Trish Marie said...

I just spent the morning sitting outside (one of the perks of my job...my office can be my front yard!) and the sunshine certainly helped. Well, not my bangs. But my mood.

Tina said...

I'm sorry about your hair but I had to laugh. I am very, very glad her kidney functions came within normal range.
I need some book recommendations. I've become such a book addict. Email me when you can.

Sheri said...

Well, just remember that Emmi has always defied the odds. Try your best not to worry until there is something to really be concerned about. Not saying this isn't concerning, but you know what I mean. :P Hang in there, and I want to see a pick of these jacked up bangs. :D