Monday, January 28, 2008

Barbie and Creepy Cat Toy

Emmi spent Christmas with her dad this year. She came home with the creepiest fucking toys I have ever seen. I mean, seriously? The life size Barbie doll and the motion sensor cat could have stayed at his house. The damn Barbie is taller than she is. And the cat.

Lord, the cat. It looked real. It kind of felt real. You know, if you can get over the fact that underneath all of the fur is a hunk of metal and plastic. Its eyes are motion sensors, so when you walk past it, the damn the meows. And swishes it's creepy little tail. If you pet it, it purrs. And it watches you. Creepy. So creepy that everyone in the house referred to it as "Creepy Cat Toy." And nobody played with it. It just sat on a shelf, meowing every once in a while, and driving the dogs nuts.

Sometimes late at night, when the kids are in bed, and Kenny, the dogs, and I are curled up on the couch watching TV, that damn cat will start meowing. And purring. Then you hear the motor from its tail swishing. With no one around it. That is when I started to suspect something.

First, I thought maybe we had little children sneaking out of bed to play in the game room. But that would mean someone was, *gasp*, actually playing in the game room and not in the living room, standing directly in front of the TV I am watching. I knew it wasn't either dog, as generally they are both fighting us for spots on the couch. But something. Something up there was making that Creepy Cat Toy purr. Sometimes, I would run up the stairs after it started meowing to see if I could catch the culprit that set the motion sensors off. Nothing. That cat started to creep me out more. The dog took to sitting in front of the shelf whining at it for hours. I contemplated throwing it out, but I have seen Pet Cemetery. I know what will happen if I do.

Barbie? She wasn't much better. At least she didn't randomly meow in the middle of the night. But still. For awhile, no one played with her either. Then, Jill decided they would be friends. Her and the Barbie. She named her. Probably some combination of Starthet and Blond Toe (Ha! That's right, Sister, I said it. I made fun of your doll names.). She dressed her in her pajamas and tucked her into the lower bunk bed in her room. I had to say goodnight to Barbie and Jill that night. Tuck both in. Kiss both goodnight. Jill was happy, she had been wanting a sleep over for the longest time. She feel right off to sleep.

All was good. Creepy Cat Toy was quiet for awhile that night. Jill and Barbie were tucked into bed. Emmi had long ago fallen asleep. Then. I heard it. A scream. Coming from Jill's room. I ran up the stairs two at a time. Jill was sitting up in bed, eyes wide.

"MOMMY! MOMMY!" She sobbed. I tried to calm her. Between sobs, she explains that she woke up and the Barbie was moving around her room. It turned and looked at her. When it saw that she was watching, it jumped back in the bed and froze. She was terrified. She wanted Barbie out of her room. I took Barbie into the game room. Creepy Cat Toy meowed as I walked past. I tucked Jill back into bed, reassuring her that it was just a nightmare.

A few hours pass. Creepy Cat Toy, who had been silent for awhile, starts meowing. I run up the stairs, again trying to catch the culprit in the act. Nothing. Nothing but Creepy Cat Toy and Barbie. Barbie? And then it dawns on me. That damn Barbie. It was her. It was her petting Creepy Cat Toy when no one was looking. A shiver runs down my spine. I threw Barbie in the corner with her nose to the wall. That'll show her. Back downstairs, I hear Creepy Cat Toy meow.

A few nights later, Kenny hears Sadie, our younger boxer, chewing on a toy upstairs. He runs up the stairs to catch her in the act. He yells, "SA-D....." The word trails off. It is replaced by laughter. Kenny comes down the stairs, with Creepy Cat Toy in his hand. And the face? Is gone. Sadie ate the face off of Creepy Cat Toy. It let out one last sad meow, before Kenny tossed it in the trash.

I noticed Barbie looked a little sad the other day. I think she misses her pet cat. And sleepovers in Jill's room. I worry about Barbie. I am waiting for the sadness to overwhelm her. I am scared she might snap. I just know I am going to wake up one night and find that damn Barbie standing over Sadie with a knife, ready to avenge Creepy Cat Toy's tragic death.


Allie Bear said...

You crack me up, that cat is so annoying, my daughter wanted one but it creeped me out. I'm really glad I didn't get it now.

zakary said...

we HAD that same damn creepy cat toy. Until I accidentally donated it to Goodwill. Accidentally on purpose. My daughter didn't even notice it was gone. Yet!

Sheri said...

HAHAHA! All mechanical toys scare the crap out of me!

Gin said...

I am extremely freaked out by automated toys. The other day, I walked down one of the toy aisles at Target, and all these little, I don't know, Baby Craps A Lot dolls started crying and talking all at once, and I almost lost it.
Talking dolls for kids = bad idea. Hasn't anyone seen Chucky?