Friday, May 2, 2008

Avoidance.

I have been avoiding writing this all day. I don't really know what to say or not to say. I have no official test results. I have been told exactly nothing. I don't really need to be told anything. I know what I saw. I saw one good, healthy, perfectly normal kidney. Just one. And another that appeared black. Almost solidly. Hydronephrosis. No one has to tell me. No one has to give me an official report. I saw it myself. The question that won't be answered until Monday is how severely damaged is the kidney now? How far gone is it? Are we beyond removing the duplicated collection system? Has she crossed into full-blown kidney failure? I have known for quite some time that Emmi would eventually need surgery. I even knew that there was the risk that she would loose the whole kidney. I just kind of thought it wouldn't ever happen. I thought it would stop.

I was wrong. I often am.

Remember when I said I figured out how to breathe through it all? I think I forgot.

9 comments:

J said...

Awww hon. I am sending our prayers to you tonight, and always. If there is anything I can do, anything at all, you just let me know. I am just a phone call away.

That Chick Over There said...

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry.

Tiffany said...

So sorry.. I was wondering when you didn't call.. Let me know if you need anything.

Erin and Liann said...

We're all here for you over at TFOCN, just let us know if we can do anything at all. Keep up your positive attitude. You're in our thoughts and we're sending our prayers your way!!

XOXO,
Lee

rubyredruca said...

Poor thing! Stay positive, like the post above mine says. Right now, any flecks of positivity will help get you guys through the day. Stay strong you guys!

David said...

Saying a prayer for you and your family all day. Sending warm thoughts out into the universe. I hope in my heart of hearts that it will be good. Keep your faith up, as hard as it is, we all are behind you.

Allie Bear said...

I'm so sorry, Emmi and you all will continue to be in my prayers. Try to stay positive and know that we are all here for you and thinking of you.

Tina said...

Saying a prayer for you and Emmi. I'm so sorry to hear this news.

Hetha said...

I wish there was a way I could pitch in and be helpful, but prayers are pretty powerful and I'll be sending you lots of those.