Thursday, August 21, 2008

In our apartment. Together.

Last night, for reason out of my control, I had to go to the store at the ungodly hour of 9pm. At 9pm, I should be camped up in my PJ's, watching A&E (if The Hills isn't on), eating my contraband dark chocolate. But no. I was at the store, getting not only the groceries I needed for the rest of this week, but enough to get us through next week, as well. Including school lunches. I hate making school lunches. It cuts into my coffee time. Which by the way, I needed. At the store.

I pretty much had the store to myself, which makes me think I should shop more often late at night. The only other shoppers were a couple. My guess is that they were somewhere around twenty. And the girl was pregnant. Or put on weight funny. One or the other. They had obviously just moved in together. How could I tell? Well because every item they put in their cart was discussed along the line of this.

Boy: Grab those blueberry waffles, please.

Girl: Ahhhh. You eat blueberry waffles for breakfast in our new apartment? I didn't know you eat blueberry waffles, since we have never eaten breakfast together in our new apartment that we just moved into. It is so much fun to learn that you eat blueberry waffles for breakfast in our new apartment that we just moved into together since I am knocked up.

By isle three, I wanted to kill her. And I wasn't alone. Boy was even getting annoyed. His responses became things like, "YES I WILL USE TOILET PAPER IN THE FUCKING APARTMENT THAT WE JUST MOVED INTO TOGETHER."

I managed to steer several aisles ahead of them. Peaceful shopping once again. Until the check-out lane. After nine, only ONE lane is open. It happens to be the Express lane. Common sense would tell you that under those conditions, it is okay to have more than 15 items. Girl, obviously, had no common sense. I was almost done checking out, when they walked up to the front.

Girl: What are we going to do? We have, like, fifty items for our new apartment that we just moved into together. How can we buy all fifty of these things for our new apartment that we are cohabitating in, if we can only check out at the Express lane?

At that point, I could not resist. Really. I turned. Smiled. "Oh. After nine you can only buy 15 items at a time. You are going to have to put some of that back." I watched her, waiting for the joke to register, as I myself had a cart full of groceries. It never did. I am sure Boy is still at the store trying to convince her it is okay to buy ALL the items. For their apartment. That they just moved into together. Where they will eat their blueberry waffles. Together. In their apartment.


Rachel Lee Broussard said...

holy shit!! I don't think that i was ever that nice to John, not even in our first apartment that we lived in together. He will soon realize what a bad idea it was to have sex with that poor girl.

Malskey said...

This is funny because I just came from my small towns grocery store... I get so tired of hearing other peoples crap and having people I DO. NOT. KNOW, or barely know come up to me that I put in my ear buds and sing and dance ridiculously in the aisles.. (well mostly in my head... and the dancing is saved for when I have the aisle to myself.. but you get the point... no one bothers me!!)

Okay.. I need to go unload groceries... I'm lazy... we're going camping tomorrow... fun times.. Toodles

I am Trish Marie said...

I can't shop and listen to my ipod. Moslty cause I am afraid I would start singing out loud. And I don't sing pretty.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

I went to the store this morning and I was rushing to get to work and some jerk decided to pay in change..... in the express lane.

Anonymous said...

HA HA! I just laughed out loud at my desk. I love grocery shopping very early in the morning before anyone is in there. It is so much better. I bet that poor boy was thinking oh shit. What have I gotten myself into??

Betsey Booms said...

I try to do all my shopping on off hours - but in reality, my hubs does it.

I would have been tempted to say the same thing!

Anonymous said...

This is fucking.hilarious!